n. the notion that every other being you see has a life as intricate and complex as the next; that there are seven billion stories simultaneously running in parallel, each weaving their own life tapestry that you may one day lend a thread to; that you are the blurred silhouette in the background of someone’s holiday photo, the stranger staring out of a window, just as others are to you.
Today was enlightening.
Today, I realised how vacuous some people in my year at school are.
I’ll give you the low-down:
So, there I was, minding my own business in Psychology class this morning, when I overhear some (rather bitchy, excessively made-up and superficial) girls talking about universities. One of them said that she was considering going to Belfast. The one next to her looked shocked: “I didn’t know you wanted to go to Wales!”
I kid you not.
Here are some others from people I have the dubious honour of calling my peers:
- “What’s a trait specific to humans?”
“They have eyes.”
- “What’s a trait specific to mammals?”
“They all have legs.”
- “What’s a canary?”
- “Was it God or Jesus that wrote the Bible?”
- (Upon being told snakes are cold-blooded) “I thought all animals were warm-blooded!”
- “The Eiffel Tower’s in Germany, isn’t it?”
- (After someone said the word ‘euthanasia’) “Is that a country?”
And my personal favourite:
- “What’s a rabbi? Isn’t that the word for more than one rabbit?”
It’s enough to make you feel like Einstein, seriously. I wonder how these people get into Sixth Form. I wonder how these people actually function in life.
So, today I’ve been doing some thinking. Thinking about humans, mainly.
I was contemplating how people interact with each other; what they think when their eyes meet another person’s face. What makes you form an opinion about someone? What is it in people’s nature that makes them gravitate towards certain individuals? And what does it mean for someone to ‘love’ another person? This last thing is what I’ve been turning over in my mind today.
Humans emotions are, by nature, fickle. They are changeable, easily influenced and can be molded and manipulated into almost any shape or form desired. So why do people long to be told that someone, anyone, loves them? Is it an intrinsic desire for kinship? Or just the indulgence of the egocentric parts of human minds?
Besides, even if a person says “I love you”, what does it mean? “The correct cocktail of chemicals has been released in my brain, I feel attraction to you, let’s procreate”?
Personally, the notion that two people can be entirely dependent, completely open and utterly at each other’s mercy by option is beyond me. How do you find something that you trust in so implicitly? More importantly, can you? By allowing someone to be so deep-rooted within your mind, so familiar to your skin, so close… It seems insane. It surpasses logic to do so.
The underlying truth of this is probably that being vulnerable terrifies me. But what scares me in equal volumes is that possibility that I may not be capable of that amount of trust. That amount of love.
n. the inexplicable urge to push others away.
I think my family is seeking some kind of vengeance against ceilings, especially the ones in my house.
Last year, I managed to spray black paint over my dining room ceiling (frustration with Art GCSE + paint pot without lid + angrily slamming it on the table). My dad described it to look like Jackson Pollock had a field day.
Then, not too long after, a Ribena bottle exploded in our kitchen and blasted the ceiling. It stained. Not good.
And today, around ten minutes ago, my brother achieved the rather incredible feat of denting the ceiling with headstock of his guitar.
We are a gifted family.
It’s probably hereditary.
Well. This is new.
So, why am I here?
Good question. I decided to start this blog because I wanted to send my words into orbit, as such; I thought it would be an intriguing venture to just give it a go.
So I’m taking it for a spin.
I have decided to keep this blog anonymous for the purpose of deniability, mainly. I don’t want to be caught short by a future employer, for instance, if I happen to cause a stir. Which I am not planning to. I’m not interesting enough to be controversial. But you never know.
But what I can say is that I am a 16-going-on-17, English, marginally misanthropic girl, and am in a committed, long-term relationship with tea.
So that’s me. What about this blog? you say, What kind of nonsense are you going to be catapulting into the blogosphere?
Well, again, good question.
I am planning to post little tidbits of everyday life that will hopefully be humourous/relatable/meaningful (but it will probably still end up being mindless drivel, regardless), along with smatterings of reviews and whatever seems vaguely appealing at the time. In essence, I have no idea. Anything and everything.
If you are reading this, THANK YOU. You’ve already done me a great service by ploughing on this far.
I hope I’ve given you enough incentive to keep reading this blog. Don’t hesitate to message me if there’s anything you want to know (however you actually do that, I haven’t got to grips with all the technical hoo-ha yet. It feels like I’ve just been chucked into the USS Enterprise over here.)
But anywhoo, I shall now bid you good day.
In the words of the great Arnold Schwarzenegger:
Hasta la vista…