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I’M BACK, BEACHES!!

Bet you thought you’d got rid of me, huh?

Sorry to disappoint.

It’s been a hella-long while… I’ve been super-duper busy since September, so I shall fill you in…

I started my Upper Sixth. A2 Levels have already killed me. You are talking to the spirit of Zae from beyond the grave. Reporting live from the circle of hell reserved for students with no motivation. WAHEEYY.

They’re not completely bad though. Some lessons are super fun and I sent off my university applications so I should be starting to (hopefully, fingers-crossed, touch wood, pray to the lord jesus mary and joseph hallelujah praise the lord almighty pie in the sky pls pls pls) get offers sooooon.

Erm.

There is also a boy.

An actual boy.

No, I did not make him up.

No, he is not fictional.

And, no, I did not brainwash/hypnotise/indoctrinate/blackmail him (promise).

I met him late October time at a party, and we’ve been together ever since and yah. I’m grinning like un poco idiota right now and yeah and it makes me really happy and he’s already helped me cross of like four things on my bucket list and it’s kind of great because i’m super comfortable around him and i’m just totally and completely–

soz snape.

MOVING ON

I can’t think of anything else to talk about.

I’ve embarrassed myself a lot in the past few months (surprise, surprise).

why did i even say that that’s not an update it’s a bloody dispositional trait i. am. an. idiot.

OOOH I’ve recently become unhealthily obsessed with a TV show called Teen Wolf and I’m in love with it!! It literally has the most attractive cast I think I have ever seen in my LIFE. Crystal Reed’s jawline anyone??? Or Daniel Sharman. Or DYLaN o’bRiEN oH mY lORd.

Ahem.

Right now I should be revising for the mock exams I have this week (had an English Language one today and i swear the school is out to destroy ma frickin carpal tunnel i wrote two essays in two and a half hours and i am deaded). Tomorrow I have psychology (hahahahahahahaha no pls no) and Wednesday is English Literature. Fack.

I should really start caring about my education more.

But anywhoo, I’m going to try and keep up le blogging because I do really love writing (even though i just ramble like a lunatic) so I’ll try keep you posted on life.

PEACE OUT Y’ALL

XX

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Updates and Promises

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Sorry about that.

Updates:

The last two weeks have been frantic to say the least.

My first day back at school was last Tuesday. Upper Sixth is killing me already and I haven’t even finished the second week yet. The workload is ridiculous and the pace is slaughtering my brain, one neuron at a time.

And nowadays, all anyone can talk about is UCAS and university and predicted grades and resits and modules and applications and references and personal statements and futures and jobs and preparations and the rest of our lives and life and life and life and more life rolled on top of it.

HTTP ERROR 404: THE REQUESTED PAGE ‘ZAE’S SANITY’ CANNOT BE FOUND. EVER.

 

Ahem.

On a lighter note, I had my first driving lesson! It scared the bejeezus out of me, but it was good. I managed to get up to 60mph on the drive home, which I was pretty proud about.

Aaaaaand, I’ve recently been finding a load of new music since I’ve started to use SoundCloud, so if you have any spare seconds, check out Ben Khan (listen to Youth) or Made In Heights (check out All The Places). They’re both amazing and I’ve been listening to them both on loop for days.

 

Promises:

I will post more. No, really.

I will try to stay more positive and not have these stupid falterings in confidence that translate into shitty blog posts about how purportedly fucked up I am as a person.

I will try to make my blog posts less shitty overall, to be honest. I’m uppin ma gaaame mothafuckah.

Oh, and I’ll try to stop swearing as much. I know some people don’t like that. So I’ll try to replace said expletives with nicer words. Like… flowerpot.

Flowerpot?

Seriously?

Urgh.

Whatever.

I have a new post in the works, so that’ll be on its way out to y’all soon. It’s about a book I read yesterday (yes, I read it in a day) called Wintergirls, and it’s accounts the story of a girl called Lia Overbrook who suffers from anorexia nervosa. This book made me wince in all the wrong ways, and I want to hate it but I can’tI can’t because it’s true. It’s the truest book I’ve read in a long time.

 

Much like to y’all

XX

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A-Level Results Day: The Verdict

Well, fuck.

That was weird.

Le Lowdown:

Went to school with my friend A. We were both feeling trippy. No biggie. She rather suitably had a crewneck on with a huge hand flipping the middle finger.

Appropriate.

Got to school. Officially preparing to die. K.

Went into the hall. They were lined up in envelopes in boxes. It felt like some twisted version of the Hunger Games. Fully expected Effie Trinket to burst out and pound me in the head with one of her wigs or something.

Mental.

Signed off on the register. Got handed my results.

About ready to flip my shit, climb on a table and rugby tackle people I hate.

Or die from heart failure before I could open the results.

Decimated my envelope in the process of trying to get it open.

Looked at the results.

My string of reactions went kind of like this:

brucewillisdoubletake

waitwhat

arnoldshocked

silverliningsyay

I could not fucking believe it.

THREE As AND TWO Bs BITCHESSSSSS!

jEsuS.

Pretty good, seeing as in my exams my brain went into lockdown and quarantined the bits with my intelligence in them. I literally ended up like:

everywordiknow-gif

I felt bad for people who didn’t do as well as they’d hoped though. It’s hard to seem genuine in those situations, and I always feel like I’m doling out fake sympathy and really bad advice. Well, when I last had a bad set of results and people tried to comfort me, I was like,

princess+bride+gif

Kinda.

But anyway.

I SURVIVED A-LEVEL RESULTS DAY!

(and all I got was this crappy blog post)

 

YIPPEE KI-YAY MOTHERFUCKERRRRR!

aceventuradance

XX

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A-Level Results Day: The Build-Up

It’s 7:24am.

Results are available from 9:30.

And I really don’t want to know.

It’s been a full two months since my last exam and my nerves have slowly been shredding themselves to bits.

Last year with GCSEs I had some kind of idea of where I stood with my grades.

Now?

I have no fucking idea.

I have no point of reference or gauge and I can’t remember half of my exams at all.

But the weirdest thing is, my anxiety’s gone in a bit of a bell-shaped curve as time’s gone on.

I got to a point in mid-July where I was losing sleep over it and having dreams about it.

I mean, c’mon. Dreams, for fuck’s sake.

And now…

Well.

I’m finding myself being strangely laid-back about the whole situation. Sure, I know it still matters but I’ve been giving less and less of a fuck for a while.

That may just be my less-than-one-hour-of-sleep talking but bollocks to it.

It’ll probably end up being an interesting venture because I’m a little bitch when I’m tired, so I will probably end up swearing at someone.

I’ll let y’all know what happens.

But honestly, I think the general mood over here is

dontcare

fucking hell.

 

IZAEZEL OUUUUUUUT.

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